Chasing Tomorrow

  Chasing

  Tomorrow

  Summer Lake Book Nine

  Ben and Charlotte

  What happened all those years ago

  SJ McCoy

  A Sweet n Steamy Romance

  Published by XSHi Publications

  Copyright © 2016 SJ McCoy

  Chasing Tomorrow Copyright © SJ McCoy 2016

  All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form, or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system without prior written consent of the author.

  Published by XSHi Publications. First eBook edition, March 2016

  www.sjmccoy.com

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and events are figments of the author's imagination, fictitious, or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales or persons living or dead is coincidental.

  Cover Design by Dana Lamothe of Designs by Dana

  Editor: Mitzi Pummer Carroll

  Proofreader: Aileen Blomberg

  Dedication

  For Sam. Sometimes, life really is too short. Few x

  Chapter One

  “Hello, Ben.” The old familiar warmth washed through Charlotte’s whole being as he smiled back at her. Hello Ben. The first two words they’d exchanged in over a decade. Well, she wasn’t sure yet if this really was going to be an exchange. He was smiling, and that was something, but he wasn’t speaking. As the silence lengthened between them, Charlotte had to wonder whether her heartbeat sounded as loud to Ben as it did to her.

  She cocked her head to one side and raised an eyebrow, hoping to elicit some kind of response.

  “Hi.”

  There it was. Just one small syllable. But he’d spoken. She got to hear his voice again, and it sounded so good. It was deeper, richer than she remembered, but it was still the same voice that was etched into her memory, into her heart.

  “Can we talk?” She could hear the shake in her own voice, even above the hammering of her heart.

  Ben’s smile faded. He shook his head sadly. “There’s nothing left say, is there, Charlie?” He shrugged. “I’d love to talk to you, but it wouldn’t be enough. We could never talk our way past everything that happened. So it’s probably best not to try.” He turned back to the door and pulled it open.

  Charlotte stared after him for a moment. So, that was it? After all these years, after all the ways she’d built up to this moment in her mind, he was just going to turn around and walk away? No, bloody way! She shot out into the corridor after him. He was already striding back toward the elevators, his broad shoulders set.

  “Ben!”

  She knew by the way his stride faltered that he’d heard, but he didn’t turn around, didn’t stop. Charlotte kicked out of her shoes, no way would she be able to catch him in those heels. She scooped them up and ran after him.

  The elevator doors opened and he was stepping inside by the time she caught up. She rushed in after him. “Please, Ben!”

  He held her gaze for a long a moment. “Please what? What do you want me to say?”

  She sucked in a deep breath. What did she want him to say? That he still loved her? That they should get back together? That…what? Maybe he was right. Maybe there was nothing left to say. She stared into his eyes, lost for words.

  She jerked her head as the woman standing by the buttons spoke. How had she not even seen her till now?

  “Son, she wants you to say you love her. And you obviously do. So get on with it, would you?”

  The elevator came to a stop and the woman stepped out. She turned back and held the door with her hand. “Life’s too short to waste it. Tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone. You two need to kiss and make up and get on with living today.” She removed her hand and the doors slid shut.

  Charlotte stared at Ben and he gave her a sad smile.

  She nodded. She knew what he was thinking. “Did you pay her to say that?”

  He shook his head with a rueful smile. “No. It just seems I’m not the only one who’d rather live for today than chase tomorrow.”

  “I’ve learned, Ben. I’m not trying to chase tomorrow anymore. I’m trying to live today. This day. Right here, right now. You and me, in an elevator.”

  The elevator stopped again and Ben stepped out. “It’s too late, though, Charlie. We don’t have a tomorrow. There’s nothing we can do with today; all we have is a yesterday. We made our choices back then, we can’t change them.”

  “We can’t change the past, no. But we can change the future.”

  He stood perfectly still and stared deep into her eyes. For a moment she saw a trace of hope on his face, a glimmer in the depths of his hazel eyes, but then it was gone. He shook his head sadly. “It’s too late, Charlie. You’re the one who’s married.”

  His words hit her like a slap in the face. He was right of course. She was the one who had sealed their fate when she married Alastair. She nodded sadly. “I’m sorry.”

  “Not as sorry as I am.”

  They were still standing outside the elevators. A couple smiled as they joined them. Charlotte felt ridiculously uncomfortable. She didn’t want to just walk away, but she didn’t want to beg him to talk to her right here with people listening. On impulse she grabbed his hand and pulled him down the corridor away from the elevators and the prying ears. She could see the shadow of a smile on his face as he allowed her to pull him along.

  “Do you want to put your shoes back on?” he asked when she came to a stop.

  She looked down at her bare feet, then at the shoes in her hand, then up into his eyes. She smiled. “They’re not the most important thing on my mind right now.”

  He shrugged. “You know me, I notice what needs to be done right now and try to take care of it.”

  She did know that about him. It was who he was. It was a big part of what she loved about him. It was also the big difference between them—or at least it had been. Back when they were kids, she’d always wanted to chase tomorrow, as he’d called it, while he had wanted to take care of the day they were in. She shook her head sadly and bent down to put her shoes back on. His arm shot out to catch her as she tottered on one foot. The feel of his strong hand on her bare arm sent shivers racing through her, she caught her breath before she straightened up.

  “Can’t you see, that’s what I’m trying to do? What needs to be done right now, is for us to talk. If we don’t do it right now, we probably never will, will we?”

  “And that’s how it should be. Our time is gone, Charlie. All we can do is cause each other more pain. I don’t want to do that. I didn’t want to see you. I won’t lie, I’m glad I have seen you. But there’s nowhere left for us to go. It’s over. It’s been over for years. I never wanted to accept that, but I’m finally realizing that I have to.”

  She swiped at the tears that welled up in her eyes. “It isn’t over though, is it, Ben? It’ll never be over between us. It can’t be, my heart won’t let it be. And I don’t believe yours will either.”

  He stared at her for a long moment, his expression inscrutable even before he covered his face by rubbing both hands over it. “Whatever our hearts have to say doesn’t matter. That ring on your finger says it all.”

  Charlotte looked down at her wedding band. He was right. “But my heart still says it loves you, Ben.”

  He shook his head sadly. “It’s a pity it didn’t speak up years ago.”

  He turned on his heel and walked away.

  This time she couldn’t bring herself to go after him. He was right. She should have listened to her heart years ago. She shouldn’t have let herself be swayed by pain and pride. But she had. The hot tears stung he
r eyes before they rolled down her cheeks. She looked around wildly. She wanted to run and hide, she needed to get to her room—wherever the hell it was.

  ~ ~ ~

  Ben swiped his room key three times to no effect. He stepped back and took a deep breath trying to steady his heart and his hands before trying again. This time the little green light came on and door handle turned. Thank God!

  He went inside and looked around. What the hell was he doing here? Why had he ever agreed to come? And why the hell hadn’t he stayed out of Charlotte’s way? He’d done so well. He’d almost made it to the finish line. If he hadn’t turned around when she tapped him on the shoulder, if he’d just kept on walking like he’d known he should… He shook his head and opened the mini bar. Just like always, when it came to Charlotte his head was filled with ifs and whys. The answers didn’t matter. All that mattered was that he needed to get away from her. Of course he still loved her! He always would. But what did that matter? She was married. They’d made their choices long ago. All that was left was to live with them. And living with them wasn’t going to get any easier by talking about it. Talking to her, seeing her, only made it so much harder. It only reminded him how beautiful she was, how just the feel of being near her turned his legs to jelly. Seeing her running around barefoot only reminded him how ditzy she could be—and how much he loved that about her. He opened the first of the whiskey bottles and knocked it back. There wasn’t going to be enough of it, he knew that already.

  He turned at the sound of a tap on his door. Surely to God she hadn’t followed him? He wouldn’t be able to turn her away again. He already knew that. He waited. Hoping she’d leave. The tap came again, louder this time. He stood frozen to the spot while the internal battle raged. He should wait her out, let her give up and leave, his head knew that. But what he wanted, what he needed to do was to go open the door, drag her in here to sit and talk the whole night through to remember who they’d been, and become who they should have been—together. And it was his heart that won. He hurried to open the door.

  Chapter Two

  “Chance!” Ben’s heart—the heart that he’d followed when he went to let Charlotte in, to his room and his life—sank when he opened the door and it wasn’t her standing there.

  Chance nodded grimly. “Are you all right?”

  Ben shook his head and gestured for him to come in. “No. Want to help me drown my sorrows?”

  Chance narrowed his eyes. “I’d rather see if I can talk some sense into you.”

  “Not much chance of that, so how about you drink with me instead?” Ben handed him one of the little bottles. “These aren’t going to last long, so take one while you can.”

  Chance took it. “What happened?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Yeah, right. That’s why you’re holed up in here, white as a ghost and shaking, and Charlotte was last seen running down a corridor crying?”

  Ben sat down heavily in the armchair. “Yup. I guess it is.”

  Chance sat on the edge of the bed and opened his bottle. He took a swig before he spoke again. “What do you want, Ben?”

  Ben knocked back his own bottle before meeting Chance’s gaze. “Nothing I can have, that’s for sure. I mean, I’d take a time machine and go back and change the choices we made back then, but I know that’s not going to happen. I want the future that we thought we were going to have, but it’s gone. I want to go find Charlotte and tell her I love her, ask her to come back to the lake with me and start making up for all the years we lost, but that’s not going happen either.” He opened the fridge again. “So I guess all I really want is as much whiskey as I can get inside me. Do you think room service would bring up a regular bottle?”

  Chance shook his head. “Champagne, maybe, but that’s probably all.”

  Ben nodded morosely.

  “Why don’t you do what you just said? Ask her to come back to the lake with you?”

  Ben stared at him. Was he crazy? “Because she’s married. That sound like a good enough reason to you?”

  Chance shrugged. “My opinion’s got nothing to do with it. It’s her opinion that counts. Is it a good enough reason to her?”

  Ben blew out a sigh. “It’s a good enough reason to me. I mean, she’s married. It’s not just like we broke up and she started seeing someone else. We screwed up big time. We didn’t talk, we had no contact. She met this Alastair guy and chose him. She felt able to commit to spending the rest of her life with him. End of story. Game over. Nothing left to say. Nothing left to do.”

  Chance held his gaze. “If you believed that, you would have accepted it years ago.”

  Ben shook his head. “Of course I believe it. It’s hard not to, you know? She married him!”

  Chance raised an eyebrow. “And it’s not possible that it was a mistake? A rebound? It’s not possible that she regrets it?”

  Ben let out a bitter laugh. “I don’t know. But after years of hoping that was the case, I reached a point where I had to believe that maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t a mistake. She didn’t regret it. You know? That’s what I’ve had to accept.”

  “Even though she’s now telling you otherwise?”

  Ben stared out the window. “She’s not though, is she?”

  “She isn’t? Or is it just that you wouldn’t give her the chance? She wanted to talk to you.”

  Ben shook his head firmly. “It doesn’t matter now. She made her choice.”

  “And she’s not allowed to unmake it?”

  Ben stood abruptly. “I’d love her to unmake it. But I won’t influence it.”

  Chance nodded.

  “Did you talk to her?” Ben was suddenly curious.

  Chance shrugged.

  “Did you?”

  “I’d hardly call it a conversation. I met her in the corridor, she was bawling her eyes out. All I got between the sobs was how she still loves you, how she wishes she could go back and change it all.” He shrugged again. “I handed her off to April. I was more concerned about you.”

  Ben walked over to the windows and rested his forehead against the cool glass. The bright lights of the Strip all blurred together as he blinked away the tears that threatened to fall. “She can’t go back and change it all, any more than I can.”

  “You’re right, you can’t change the past. I’m not going to argue with you there. But you need to realize something, Ben.”

  Ben looked up at the unexpectedly harsh tone in Chance’s voice. “And what’s that?”

  “I told you before. Where there’s life there’s hope. You’re still alive, Charlotte’s still alive. You both have a future, and if you want it enough, if you’re strong enough, you can choose to have a future together. I think you’re being stupid, and honestly, an ungrateful bastard.”

  Ben sucked in a deep breath, but managed to stop himself before he retaliated. He wanted to point out all the reasons that he was being realistic, not ungrateful. But he knew where Chance was coming from.

  Chance nodded grimly. “I know your reasons feel all too real, but from where I’m sitting they look pretty pathetic. You say you can’t be with Charlotte, because she married someone else. I say, if you both want it, you can be. I can’t be with Chloe because she’s dead. Now that right there is something I can’t do anything about. That’s a non-negotiable. And it’s why I say, where there’s life there’s hope.”

  Ben came and slumped back down in the chair. “I’m sorry.”

  Chance held up a hand. “Sorry isn’t what I’m looking for. I’m just holding up the mirror so you can see yourself and what you’re doing to yourself. And to Charlotte.”

  “All I’m doing to Charlotte is honoring her decision to marry someone else.”

  “No, you’re punishing her for it. And you’re punishing yourself. And that just doesn’t make any sense to me.”

  “But what am I supposed to do? Ask her to break Alastair’s heart? Ask her to break her marriage vows? That’s not who I am and you know it, Chance! And be
sides, it’s not who she is either. She wouldn’t be the Charlotte I love if she could do that to him.”

  Chance shrugged. “Marriages end. People make mistakes. If she’s still in love with you after all these years, how good can the marriage be—and how fair is that to him?”

  Ben buried his face in his hands. “I don’t know, Chance. I just don’t know.”

  “Neither do I, but I do know you should try to figure it out before she leaves.”

  Ben shook his head. “No, what I need to do is just survive until she leaves. Then get back to the lake, put her out of my head, and get on with my life. I’ve managed it for years. This is just because we had to be around each other. It’ll never happen again.”

  Chance raised an eyebrow. “Exactly.”

  ~ ~ ~

  Charlotte blew her nose loudly. “Sorry.” She looked at April. The poor girl didn’t seem to know what to do or say. And that was hardly surprising. She’d just been landed with someone she didn’t know, who was weeping and wailing about her lost love, Ben. And apparently Ben was April’s boss to boot!

  Charlotte grabbed her purse. “This was kind of you, but I should go.”

  “No, please stay.”

  “Honestly. You don’t need me in your room, messing up your evening like this. Chance shouldn’t have landed me on you. It’s not right.”

  “I really don’t mind. I just want to help.”

  “Unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do. There’s nothing anyone can do.”

  April smiled. “There’s always something. I used to think like you, that I’d ridden my life into a dead end and there was nothing that could be done to change it. No way to make it better. I’ve learned lately that there’s always hope.” She looked sad for a moment. “At least, where there’s life, there’s hope.”

  Charlotte blew her nose again. “That’s a good attitude to have, but it’s really not the same for me.”

  “And why’s that?”